


Not so happy

by Blank_Is_typing



Series: The story of 9 [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Mental Breakdown, Mild Language, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-14 19:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17514992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blank_Is_typing/pseuds/Blank_Is_typing
Summary: Sometimes even the happiest of people have bad days.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This series is going to be two chapters per story for the most part. One for early trainee days and one for the survival show.

Jeongin was always seen as happy, but sometimes he just wasn't, and that was okay.

But he didn't think it was at the time. He was highly empathetic, and didn't like dragging people into his situations.

So on those days he faked it. keeping up the idea that he was happy while the rest of him was miserable.

They didn't know how he took the highest dose of anxiety meds he could before his audition. 

The depression he slipped into before they gave him a second chance. 

How red his eyes got when he cried about being, homesick. 

He was just the bright boy From Busan with the brighter smile.

Not the terrified 13 year old, moving thousands of miles away from his family, who cried to them on the phone because he was depressed that day. 

Sure, sometimes he was genuinely happy.

But he was very good at faking it. 

One day, he slipped up.

 

With a sigh of frustration he leaned back in his chair. There was one note in the song that he couldn't sing right.

"It's okay Jeonginine, do you want me to sing it for you?" Seungmin said calmly, noticing his frustration.

  With a nod from Jeongin he sang that part of the song, the note coming out perfectly, with no problems.

Jeongin tried to sing it and it never sounded right. He felt super bad for what he did next.

"This is bullshit!" he screamed.

"Do you want to take a break?" Seungmin said concern lacing his voice, Jeongin usually never swore.

The younger was stressed and couldn't stop the words that left his mouth. "No because I'm not going to be able to do it when i get back either. I'll just keep trying to deny the fact that I'm just a fucking disappointment."

"Are you okay?" Seungmin asked, trying to comfort the boy by placing a hand on his shoulder.

Jeongin immediately brushed it of of him,"Don't fucking touch me! I don't need your pity!" he shouted, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. 

It was only after that did he realize he had tears streaming down his face. 

He ran into the first empty practice room he saw and slid against the wall.

Trying to hold in his tears didn't seem to work, considering he was full on sobbing in less than 3 minutes.

He heard the door to the room open and there was a long awkward pause between him and the person wearing beat up converse.

Without any words spoken the stranger handed him a tissue and sat down next to him. 

Not thinking, he leaned against the strangers shoulder as his tears began to dry.

"Did you have a bad day?" he finally asked after he had calmed down. 

Jeongin nodded, "I didn't mean to yell at Seungmin, but I was so frustrated."

He placed his hand in his hair,"it's okay to have bad days, especially if you seem so happy all the time."

"To tell you the truth I'm not as happy as you think," he sighs, that felt good to finally say."It's more of a distraction than actual emotions."

"That's fine, I know how it feels. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. You also have Seungmin." He said calmly. 

Jeongin smiled, for the first time since he got here, someone finally cared. Someone finally understood how he felt and didn't make it awkward.

He glanced over at the person and saw that it was Chan, and somehow that made him feel even better. He could tell Chan felt these emotions a lot, and while that was a little upsetting he could also tell he knew how to handle them. 

Getting up the thanked him and walked back to his practice room.

Seungmin sat there biting his nails, worried he said something wrong. 

Jeongin cleared his throat,"I'm sorry Seungmin hyung."

Seungmin let out a breath of relief,"It's okay, you were just stressed. We should take a break, you voice sounds strained."

 As they walked past Chan, he gave a knowing smile.

So, for once Jeongin wasn't faking the smile across his face.

  

  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongin gets stressed again, but this time, it comes out differently.

Just when Jeongin thought he found people he cold be himself around he had to go back to his old ways. Plastering a fake personality on in front of the cameras. Of course, he was probably going to drop it when he debuted. 

If he debuted. 

His insecurities reached a peak during the show,

He didn't have Seungmin there to smile at him like he always did when he went through evaluation.

He didn't have Chan to talk to when he felt the waves of emotion in his body rise to dangerous levels.

All the small moments when everyone's back was turned and he could release his jaw were basically nonexistent. A giggly disposition displayed over a jumbled up 3,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.  

 Time After time again the crippling anxiety of being eliminated caused him to snap in his moments of peace. After talking with Chan it wasn't cursing like no tomorrow and slamming doors. Whenever he felt like he was going to explode he counted backwards.

"10, 9, 8..." he would whisper.

And back up, "1, 2, 3,...."  taking slow breaths.

There were rumors of the first elimination starting the next episode and Jeongin was freaking out. JYP never complemented him, yet he didn't hesitate to point out his flaws.

The person he least expected was Minho. 

Minho was genuinely bright and happy. He was skilled at what he did and he seemed to have very good control of his emotions. Why in the word was he eliminated? If a simple stutter, is all it takes then Jeongin was out for sure.

That mindset caused him to crack again, in a less noticeable way. He skipped out on vocal training, and barely practiced when the cameras were off. When the cameras were on he'd shut the hell up, unsure of what would come out of his mouth. 

He just wanted to fade into the background.

Not extremely good, not extremely bad, just average enough to go unnoticed.

Jeongin doesn't remember when he started crying, he doesn't even realize he does it until 2/3 through hellevator, the music stopped.

"Jeongin, why are you crying?" Chan asks, causing everyone to turn their heads towards him.

He Ran his hands along his cheeks,"Oh," he said in surprise at he felt wet tears,"I'ts probably nothing, Let's finish up."

"Jeongin..." Seungmin said placing a hand on his shoulder,"What is it?"

They knew he wouldn't snap on him again, and knowing his hyung he wouldn't be able to leave.  

Sighing in defeat he let out his thoughts,"I don't know, after Minho got eliminated, I came to the conclusion that I would be next. I'm sorry for being lazy recently. I just....don't think I'll make it."

Seungmins eyes got sad as he pulled the maknae into a hug. 

Jeongin sighed as he relaxed into it, starting to put his head in Seungmins shoulder. To the others in the room they knew they shouldn't say anything.

He was glad they didn't, because Jeongin didn't need to be told words that his mind would believe were lies. He just needed to be held, because the steady movement of the hand on his back was more comfort than any words they could ever say.

He wasn't so happy.

But he was happy he found people who understood that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD! this one was so difficult to write! I'm sorry that it's not very good, this was the only one that I didn't have a stable idea for. and since this took me so long I kind of forgot the other themes I was going to do so..... pray for me. 
> 
> Question: what other groups should I write about?

**Author's Note:**

> ugh, I'm so sorry this took so long to get out,  
> I didn't know what I wanted to do with this one.


End file.
